Right now I'm Dealing with some very Sombre Issues indeed... it isn't easy... and keeping Stress levels down has been a particular Challenge in recent days.
And so the things that make me Smile about our World here at Bohemian Valhalla help to Lighten my Spirits. Such things as Headless Naked Barbies in the arm rest of the Jeep on the Passenger side.
Because this is often how Princess T's dolls end up and the ones she plays with the most... she is most definitely a Wednesday Addams Type of Child, no doubt.
A Child scheduled to have her long awaited Surgery Tomorrow Morning... a very early wake-up call since we have to be clear across the Valley and checked in for Surgery by Six A.M.!!! Of coarse I've been losing sleep about it, because she's recently recovering, yet again, from a chronic series of throat and ear infections that she often gets... and she had to be Well by the scheduled date... and is, but just barely.
Getting thru all the obstacles and Red Tape to get to this point has been exhausting enough, keeping a Child prone to chronic sickness Well and strong enough to have a very necessary Surgery just added to the Challenge. It has certainly taken a toll on my own Health and Well Being, so keeping me Well has suddenly become an Issue too! But we're almost there, just another twenty-four hours or so to go, to hopefully get this behind us and move forward with Guarded Optimism that her overall Health and Emotional State will begin to improve.
Making the grave Medical decisions for a Child not your own is an even Weightier Issue... Grammas shouldn't have to be the one to decide... but she was Entrusted to me to Raise and so I must. Our Daughter has always Trusted our Judgment unconditionally when it comes to the G-Kid Force, because she was never Well enough to make these decisions for them herself.
And now, after his Life altering Catastrophic Accident, The Man isn't Well enough to make his own important decisions either. Which leaves me making many potentially Life changing decisions for several Loved ones with Profound Medical Issues, often concurrently. You never want to make the wrong decisions... but it's not always crystal clear what the right ones might be... there are no guarantees and it can be a bit of a gamble... I've never been a Gambler, I prefer a Sure Thing.
And because we are avid Animal Lovers and have Rescued abandoned and feral Cats for years that chose to Adopt us, we are also Pet Parents. When you have a Rescue Animal the History is a big Unknown... as is often their Age... and their cooperation at doing things Domestic Cats that have been well Cared for all their lives do willingly. A Feral, Alley Cat or Stray has their own Trust Issues regardless of how long they are in the Family and Loved on. They very often arrive as damaged goods and Coddling and Caring doesn't erase every bit of baggage they arrived with. Much will remain and you cannot do anything about but Love them unconditionally and for however long they have.
So when our Beloved Yul disappeared weeks ago and Recon Missions to find him failed... we had to just wait it out and Hope that he would come Home again one day, Safely and Well. Sometimes they will just go away, never to be seen again... and the not knowing and acceptance of their departure isn't easy. I Imagine it's somewhat like having a Missing Child... because to a Pet Parent, your Fur Babies are just as much Family as any Child you're Caring for. There is no Closure when they just disappear never to be seen again, so you always Hope they're return or you'll know for sure their Fate so you can Grieve it properly.
And continue to just Dance as best you can thru the Anxieties and Issues of Life... because in this Family, they always seem to Exist and coincide with daily Living so it's become our Normal. So... here I was preparing myself and my Family for Princess T's Surgery... and my absence for two days while she's Hospitalized, so that The Man and the Young Prince will Cope and be Okay while I'm taking care of business clear across the Valley. And as if the logistics of that weren't enough, guess who shows up looking like a Hot Mess and Death warmed over late Yesterday Afternoon, just about the time the Vet's Office would be Closing? Yep, Yul!!!
No time to try to locate the Pet Carrier somewhere in Storage, so I toss him in a box with a towel and give him his first ever car ride... which totally freaked him out. Remember, Strays and Ferals don't always Enjoy the things Domestics do... so car rides, trips to the Vet, even being brought inside a Home, can be Traumatic for them and not work out well... EVER! Believe me, over the years we've tried... often just Trusting Humans again and accepting Love maybe for the first time in their Lives, is a lengthy enough process. Yul accepted Love and Attention, reveling in it, because he has a big Personality and Capacity to and for Love... but the other stuff us Humans wanted for him... not so much.
He remained ever the Nomad that he'd been accustomed to most of his Life, liking to roam, but usually not very far from Home and not for extended periods of time. He liked extended Naps on the Porch and to play with the Children. He never was much of a Working Cat like his bro's The Bohemian Cat Boys, Rusty and Morris, so he left the Work on the Acreage up to them. It was his Job to just be the Character of the Family and Indulge his Humans, especially Princess T and her Posse, who often included him in their activities because he wanted to Participate. So it has been very hard on her when he left and never came back... and she was Ecstatic yet Mortified when he finally returned, but obviously very Sick and close to Death.
I should have paid more Attention to the Spirit Orbs that surrounded him in just about every Image I took just before his departure... they had hovered close and been quite Evident... but he Appeared so Well, so Content... so I Dismissed them as being anything to be Concerned about. Spirit showing up doesn't always indicate bad things about to happen, so I preferred to Believe it wasn't indicative of his Transition from Time into Eternity. I was probably wrong... over Five Hundred Dollars later the Vet still had Grave News about his Condition and Prognosis... all bad and terminal. So... as he stays Hospitalized just a day before his Princess will be... I have the weighty decision on whether to attempt to doctor him along and see if he can rally for a while before his Illness finally takes him some kind of way... or end his suffering since there is no Cure and he can never be part of his Feline Community again?
I know that throwing Money at the problem will not fix it, but just delay it, and finances are limited... and Caring for another who is very Sick is not something I have the Capacity for either, especially given the Needs the Vet suggests as an alternative to Euthenasia. In my head I know what is the responsible thing to decide and do... but in my Heart I'm really Wrestling with it. I don't like playing God, not even with the Life of an Animal... it isn't something I have a Peace about completely, though I have had to do it before.
I know that Yul cannot get better and is on Borrowed Time... and we had a Family Meeting about what would be Best for him... and to prepare the Children for him probably not being able to come Home. I'm dreading the trip to the Vet today... and the rest of our day is already so full with Pre-Surgical stuff, Parent Teacher Conferences for both G-Kids and a Home Nurse Visit for The Man. I will be in the Hospital with the Princess on Friday and Saturday... so Today must be the decision making day for Yul... since Time and Money are running out to delay the outcome any further... and my Heart is Breaking. I want to have Good, Happy Memories of the Time he has spent with our Family... and do the Right Thing by him, he deserves that and more... more than I can give and more than I can do for him actually.
And I already know I'm not very Good at saying Good-Bye, Letting Go and Closing the Door... so it will be hard to watch his Transition and Feel that Peace that I Hope to have. We were Blessed to have had him come to stay with us and be part of our Family, it just wasn't nearly long enough... it never is, is it?
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian