Breaking Down...

Calls coming in at Four in the Morning from the Hospital are never a good Sign. And now I can't sleep even though I've been at the brink of Exhaustion. My mind just won't turn off as the rollercoaster of input and corresponding Emotions to the input are processed. I feel as though I'm breaking down... very publicly in fact since I decided to Journal the Journey. But even though I haven't felt like taking or making Phone Calls and have had to force myself to do both... or even to be around people, though I know Isolating wouldn't be healthy and so I've forced myself to go out... Blogging has been something that has preserved a measure of Sanity during the Insanity of the times I'm moving through right now. It has offered Comfort and given Words to the deafening Silence of the Void at Home without The Man's presence.

It's probably good that many of my Favorite Shops are already decorating and Styling for Halloween... because it is a much easier Atmosphere for me to be around right now, than say, Valentine's Day. I've always viewed Halloween as a Holiday to Connect to departed Loved Ones in Spirit and Honor them with Remembrance and Love. Most of the Old One's have Passed from Time into Eternity and they were the ones I always sought Wisdom and Strength from in Life... so I still do so now, from beyond the Veil.

I just received the sad news that yet another Old One passed this Month just a couple of days after my Birthday, a Dear Aunt on the Reservation. Her Family will be in my Prayers and I know the Cousins probably hesitated to have me receive the news right now, but I'm glad they did. She will be missed, a Life well lived, she was Married to my Dad's Older Brother. This is a Circa 1970's Image of my Aunt and I... I will always have fond Memories of her.

The G-Kid Force have been having chronic tummy aches, it's probably Stress related... and they're Emotionally as Raw as I have been... so just about anything can make us all quite Emotional. I've been finding ways to keep them busy and give them a change of scenery, they spent the Weekend with Prince R's Aunt and Family, helping her paint and prepare for a move. She said they were really good... I Suspect that's an exaggerated stretch of the Truth, given their behavior and emotions of late, but it made me feel good to hear it, so I'm choosing to Believe it.

A Sweet Woman from my Husband's Church, that we don't even know, is volunteering to babysit them Tuesday after School, so I can spend more time at the Hospital without rushing back and forth. I have never left my Children or my Grandchildren with a hired babysitter or anyone we don't know well... so this was not an easy Blessing or Help for me to Receive. I'm trying to have a Peace about it... as are the G-Force, since Receiving Help outside of our Inner Circle has become Necessary.

Thankfully she has Experience with Children with Special Needs, she will likely have to drawn from that Experience. And even if it doesn't work out, I put it out there that I wouldn't be the least bit offended if it's a one-time offer... we've had that happen before, it's not something you definitely know you'll be up to 'til you try and experience The Force. I appreciate a good try and am Grateful for it. I know that a little bit of them goes a long way. If I wasn't Raising them, I might not be high on the Short List of Willing Volunteers for extended Babysitting gigs... though we Love them with all our Heart... just keepin' it real!!

And so... as Five in the Mornin' rolls in... I'm still Processing the input of that Call from the Hospital... and Meditating upon the turn of events as I turn it all over to the Lord... as I'm certain He's up all Night anyway...