*DISCLAIMER... BEWARE Long Post with a mixture of Light and Darkness!*
Another Fav Shop that has re-opened after the long, hot Summer is my Friend Shelly's Shop RUST AND ROSES. If like me you are a Lover of Architectural Salvage, Unique Antiquities, Vintage Industrial and Gypsy Chic then you simply must visit the Shop.
Right now it's all decked out with an Autumn Vibe and the rich, warm Hues of Fall. With some Interesting and Fanciful Halloween Inspired Elements to get your inner Goth Inspired for Halloween Decorating.
I have to Confess that I'm always trying to talk Shelly out of some of her Amazing Shop Props... I can become quite obsessed with something I'm Jonesin' for badly! *Winks* Whenenver she's ready to part with this perfectly decayed Antique Chinese Lantern, I want first Option... I will throw down with you to get it... so don't even look at it with equally Lustful Eyes okay, or it's Game On between us?! *LOL*
Clearly something like this was meant for Bohemian Valhalla eventually... so I'll wait patiently... like one of those predatory Cats of the Serengeti. Yes, even though patience isn't usually or typically one of my Virtues, when it comes to Junquing, it can be... I've been known to wait and attempt negotiations for YEARS for a coveted piece that was a Display and NFS initially. This would be one of those pieces.
But in the meantime I'll Appease my Junquing Appetite with what IS presently for Sale and I Adore... like colorful Spools of Vintage Velvet Trims that could adorn some Bohemian Treasures Creations... and...
Velvet Pumpkins!!! Yes, this is where I 'scored' a Quartet of them from the Pumpkin Patch in my Friend Tricia's Booth, Created by the Talented Karen Lackey. I just Adored the Vintage Seambinding and Old Spool touches for the stems... and so far this Season... once again... I haven't had the time or opportunity to begin Creating some of my own with the supplies I've been Hoarding in what seems like forever to get around to it! *Le Sigh*
So its a good thing some of my Talented Friends have... and are offering them at a great Price... to satisfy my Annual Appetite for Velvet Pumpkins... of which I already have a Hoard that exceeds the limits of Sanity, but with each Creation being Unique and OOAK you know how it goes. When you're an Incurable Collector slash Hoarder of Art and have Magpie Tendancies, the Collection of those things you J'Adore can get a tad bit out of hand can't they? *LOL... come on, I KNOW I'm not the only one! You can come Clean here and Confess... we're not Judging!*
I stopped at a Quartet of them, which wasn't easy given the Amazing Selection and each vying to come Home with me! Luckily I had Friends that I could bounce decisions off of... and since they're not as Passionate about Velvet Pumpkins they could be the Voice Of Reason and just be decisive for me! *Whew* Yeah, Dawn, THAT one... {insert rolling of their eyes} *Bwahaha!* You'd think I was choosing a Husband or a House with how Agonizing it can be for me to Commit! *LOL*
So maybe it was a good thing that Fabulous Old Chinese Lanterns weren't for Sale... because I used up the Budget for Velvet Pumpkins already! *Smiles*
And then I moved to my Friend Angela's Space and I felt totally Set Up, like I always do, because her and I share an Identical Aesthetic and she could literally be my Personal Picker any day of the week and Pick just about everything and anything I would anyway without even being there! *LOL*
And I've REALLY got to talk to her about these Curtains... REALLY... I now NEED them desperately! And since I clearly have no Time or Opportunity for Curtain Creating... well, you know...
Actually I haven't even had the Time or Opportunity for Curtain switching out and hanging since I'd already talked our Friend Punky out of her Curtain Creations out of her own HOME months ago and they're still ready and waiting to be hung!!!
Yes, I did, I have no Shame... she Shared an Image of her newly Decorated Livingroom and I'm like, "So... those Fabu Gypsy Curtains you made Punky, how much ya want for em? After all, you can always make some more... you're a way more prolific Artist than I and they're exactly what I want!" *Winks*
True Statement... Actually everyone is a way more prolific Artist than I, that's a well known fact by how long you'd ever have to wait for a Commissioned Piece... which is why I don't do them anymore. You could have a Baby faster, no lie or exaggeration, ask anyone I know! And it's not for lack of Desire to want to Create... or ability to Create what I Love... I live and breathe Creativity and the longing for it. In a Perfect World I'd be Creating all of the time... uninterrupted... and therein lies the Clue as to why I don't. Constant interruptions and other commitments or obligations and what seems like perpetual Crisis and being in reactive mode twenty-four seven lately.
The Son FINALLY moved out of my Art Studio Cottage and across the Valley, so I had the Vision of scratching the daunting Process of Converting the Storage Cottage into another Art Studio and just reclaiming the original one. That lasted about a minute and a half... because a Dear long time Friend of the Family who is preggy with her first child was in desperate need of a place to stay. So she and The Son asked if she could move in after he got moved out?
It will be a Blessing to us and to her to have it so, given our circumstances and hers... and naturally the answer was Yes, I didn't even have to think about it. I Love this Young Woman like a Daughter and so does The Man... and she's Adored by the G-Kid Force and The Son. It just seemed the Cottage had a Greater Need for her than as mere Creative Space... and that's how we Roll anyway. I remember being in a similar Circumstance to hers many Moons ago and the network of Dear Friends who were there for me was never Forgotten... this is just paying it forward.
And with The Man and The Son now gone, Old Woman living Alone with little Kids on a large property in an Older Neighborhood {ie: The Hood}... not such a good thing. Preggy Young Woman living Alone anywhere, not such a good thing either. I always Dreamed of starting my own Hippie Commune anyways, perhaps now is the time? *Smiles*
With all these Cottages on the Property and an Old House with beaucoup rooms and a s***storm of Medical bills and Alternative Placement Costs piling up, why not? Sharing expenses in a Collective and especially during hard times just makes more sense to an Old Gypsy Hippie Chick, ya know. It's my preferred way of Life anyway, the more the merrier. That way we don't get Individually devoured by what's coming against each of us by the Hand of Life Dealt in this Season.
I've got another long time BFF that is considering a move back to Arizona anyway and we all know each other since forever, so we'll just be the fledgling Commune 'Steel Magnolias' Core of Lifelong Friends that long ago transcended Friendship and became 'Family', so why not all live together and pool Resources in times of need for us all I say!?! I'm actually looking forward to it, I've been waiting for Reinforcements in this here Hot Mess we've been up against. And they said they've been awaiting the Calvary too... maybe it was never coming and we're meant to just pull tighter as an Inner Circle all the more?! It's kinda lookin' that way anyways.
The Man would probably have trouble with a houseful of Estros under normal circumstances... but if he's ever to be able to transition back to Independant Living I'm going to need lotsa Help to even remotely consider the possibility, that's just a fact we've had to come to terms with. It may also never happen... another fact we may have to come to terms with in the Future. So... this is it... and we're making the best of a bad situation, all of us... so lets circle the wagons and then Enjoy the Inner Sanctuary we've Created for us all in there!
I see it as Creative Living at it's most Extreme actually... sometimes you just hafta Roll with it and Make it Work. I Loved how Shelly made this Gorgeous Old Deconstructed and Derelict Chair into a Fabulously Decrepid Outdoor Planter. That's Creatively Bold and Brave, to just take it outside of a Comfort Zone and let it 'Be' in Nature for the Elements to have their way with and just Enjoy for however long it lasts, maybe just a short Season, who knows? That's how I'm feeling about Life in General right now, so it was a Perfect Illustration.
And having a Posse of Junquing Buddies to Roll with from Home can be a Bonus... as well as the backup for The Force's Care when I have to take care of other business without a tired or hyper and bickering entourage of G-Kids in tow. You know, the Ole 'It takes a whole Village to Raise a Child' that one of the Presidents Wives touted, I don't even remember which but it made for a good Commercial and Political Spin I'm sure... and since she isn't likely to be a Volunteer, well... we'll see who will Occupy this here Village shall we?!? *LOL*
Yes, unending Stress and Strains haven't exactly brought out the Best in any of us... you really find out what your Inner Demons are when they come out to play during your weakest moments and the Dark Side is clearly evident! And you find out what everyone else's are too! *Winks* Damn, we had more Inner Demons than we realized... and here we thought we were just Fabulous and filled with Inner Peace and the Right Spirit of dealing with anything and everything! *Bwahaha! Yeah, you get delusional like that about yourself sometimes... and harsh Reality is a Wake-Up Call!*
You wanna know what lies inside that you never recognized? Go without Sleep or sufficient Rest for a prolonged period, take away most Hope or Dreams, stir with Difficult Situations and People, heavy doses of meeting with Resistance when you're trying to do the Right thing, be on Caregiver Burnout big time, and top if off with burdens too heavy for you to bear alone and a lack of present Help in times of Trouble... you'll Crack under the Pressure, I can Guarantee it, I did. And I always envisioned myself as a tough and strong Woman because I've already been thru a lot in Life that didn't manage to break or kill me.
But lately I'm realizing my Super Hero costume isn't fitting so good anymore and is in tatters in fact. I don't even want the Job of wearing it anymore frankly because I'm incapable of Saving the World... even my World. I tried... and everyone knows I did... but it was a lofty Goal and really always was too much. I'm prone to too much as you can tell... in many ways... and being Stoic and Prideful has hindered me receiving Help so much of the time.
The 'Falling Apart People' always seemed to get their Help first and move to the front of the line ahead of you if you were trying to hold it down and keep it together from a place of Strength and Faith. Even if inside you were falling apart too at the seams and needed Help equally as much or perhaps even more than they do.
So I changed tactics and just allowed myself the Luxury of Falling Apart and not caring about showing Weakness publicly anymore... it has been very Liberating and does Attract and get more Attention than Suffering in Silence. I should have known... it wakes folks up to the Reality of your Situation and how Grave it really is and that you're at Breaking Point now. Folks that can have Influence and offer the Help needed from albiet constantly dwindling limited Resources available.
Back in the Sixties there used to be an Old Hippie Mantra going around that I used to just Laugh about as a Joke... 'til I realized it ain't no Joke and is still unfortunately relevant today. 'Get yours while there's still some left!' Tongue in cheek it was good for a giggle... 'til you ever really needed Help and then realized that Resources are limited and dwindling all the time... as Earned Benefits and Charity are eroding or being rescinded so the demand is greater than the supply available. If you need Help that's very important to consider, or you won't get any, period!
I think all of us fiercely Independant and Self-Sufficient Types always Hope we'll never actually NEED Help and can do for ourselves just Fine. We've always been able to make do and take care of our business, so we left available Resources for others we felt probably needed it more than we did. Its humbling to realize you're now one of those 'others' and dependant upon what Help you CAN receive, if there's any left before what is allotted has run out? I don't like being put in that position, not one bit. I'd rather stay fiercely Independant and Self-Sufficient with no dependancies upon outside Sources that I can't actually depend on and are subject to Change without notice.
If you've never had a Need you cannot fill it's kinda like an itch you cannot scratch, or a thirst you cannot quench... it is very uncomfortable and annoying, because you want to be able to take care of it yourself, but you find you can't and there's no way around that except to solicit Help. And Imagine if there isn't any... or if there is, it's limited and in high demand and you might not ever get your turn... so the discomfort can be extended to a point of Madness and desperation. Now it's way more than just uncomfortable and annoying... and your outlook will totally switch.
You will find a way to get yours no matter how Polite and easy going you usually are. You will be a person on a Mission, because there's a lot at stake and you can't afford to be ignored or forgotten because Time is of the Essence and things are at Critical Mass for you and yours.
You'll feel a bit like the Robot on 'Lost In Space' flailing your arms and blinking your lights yelling 'Danger Will Robinson!' or whoever's name is coming up that is in Danger, could even be your own! *Winks* You can feel quite Lost in Space actually.
My Friends and Family have NEVER seen me at that point of losing Composure and not just Dealing with my stuff... but they have NOW! It scares them... hell, it scares me!!! I keep getting told that I have to remember that the Lord will not give me more than I can handle and to stand on that in Faith... I have, but I do I keep reminding the Lord I'm THERE NOW, at the more than I can handle junction, so the brakes must be pumped on what He is Trusting me to handle unless He intends to break me completely? A Falling to Pieces me has already happened, so I don't know how much more broken I can be actually and remain Functional or of any use to anyone in smitherines of Self?
The G-Kids wanted me to go to Church with them today... I just couldn't... wouldn't... they've been walking to various Churches nearby, Church hopping. We can't go to the one I belong to since distance and circumstances is a huge factor right now and The Force isn't always cooperative. They want what they want, they're Kids after all, they Love the Lord at Kid level Spiritually and thats Okay, they're on Track Spiritually and that's the Important thing. The Man would usually stay behind with any Kid Under Protest on Sunday Morning and allow them to Attend Church elsewhere if they wanted while I went to my Services in Peace to be Spiritually fed and renewed... The Man isn't here as back-up now, so it is what it is, but it does make me sometimes feel Caged.
I keep in touch with my Pastor and First Lady by Phone, Pray Daily and Tithe Faithfully, I watch my Favorite Ministries on TV and Meditate upon Scripture, but I won't drag Kids to my Church under Protest, I never have, never will, it doesn't work and can hinder their own Faith Walk, Faith cannot be Forced and thrust upon an individual or they will resist. That's all I'm up to right now and can muster Spiritually outside of daily Home Worship and Intimate Relationship with God, so my Faith Walk has just changed but not weakened. I do feel bad about that lack of enthusiasm to take them or join them somewhere and try something new Spiritually, when they're Inviting me to come along. I'd be doing it for them though, not at all for me... and right now I'm on Empty for Sacrificing Self for others, we've done that for YEARS.
I'm glad the G-Kids are eager to attend any Church nearby, but I'm just not interested in converting or being converted right now to whatever Denomination is Appealing to the Kiddos this week due to Activities or join a new Congregation. Kids will naturally gravitate and want to go where they're just having Fun and the Message is secondary until they become more Spiritually Mature.
These are all Good Churches doing the Lord's Work in our Community, but I'd rather attend my Church if I could with regularity and the drive didn't wear the G-Kids out so that they protest going along. Actually I don't even want to be around anyone who will say something pious with the best of Intentions or have to reveal Personal Issues to Strangers or put on a facade of 'All Is Well Praise God', it would be a lie and a total deception of the Truth, I can't be fake like that or uber Churchy for Show. I'm being totally Transparent here, no Preaching please, I can't handle it right now even if you mean well.
I understand that I'm dealing with a level of Depression, but I don't really Trust Western Medicine since handsful of Pharmaceuticals to me just equals added layers of potential 'Issues' and further Medical Expenses we can't afford. I'm dealing with enough 'Issues' right now without meds hampering my ability to Function further or mask real Life problems by dulling reaction to them.
That's how I feel about it, right, wrong or indifferent. I've Witnessed enough folks taking their 'Happy Pills' that still aren't Happy because their Issues still Exist when the pills wear off... and now they're dependant upon pills too to get thru their days of dealing with their Life Issues. If I can manage without Pharmaceutical Hazes I'd rather. I need to get in to see my Chinese Doctor for Eastern Medical Holistic Remedies... when there's a break in The G-Kid and The Man's Medical Issues and Appointments that is, they got a slew of 'em.
I know my Posts lately sometimes take a Dark turn... but it's my Personal Online Journal and I go where ever the Post eventually takes me. These are always Spontaneous entries and my Therapy Sessions and Personal Journey... once I get thoughts and feelings out I Feel ever so much Better! And perhaps some can Connect because they've had similar thoughts and feelings they've suppressed and kept hidden, so if it Helps even one other presently Tortured Soul, it was worth baring my Soul.
Socially it's always more Comfortable for everyone concerned to just focus on the Positives of Life and so I totally 'Get' why most Negatives of Life are kept Private and sequestered or stifled. So there's more folks than you know who are walking around with a Smile that they don't really Feel all of the time... or perhaps it is Genuine while they're out and Escaping their Troubles momentarily, but when they get back to Dealing with it all, Smiles will be scarce if they can muster one at all. Some situations aren't Smile worthy or would be totally inappropriate to Grin your way thru!
That's why I like to Get Away to places and around people that make me Smile and remember why I Love Life so much. I'd rather be Smiling, that is my Natural State of Being actually... Joyful... and filled with Wonder and Appreciating all that is Beautiful and Good. This Darker me just doesn't cut it but I have to acknowledge that it exists and explore how best to deal with those thoughts, those feelings and range of emotions that aren't Optomistic, Positive and Lovely. This Post is really dedicated to anyone and everyone who Shares those Sentiments... may the Light in you always Manage to Shine through, even if for now it's just a Glimmer or what it Hopes to be again.
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian