I took some time to stand back from the overwhelming big picture and just look at smaller details that I can handle. Once the surge of intense emotions subside I'm able to do that and recover quite quickly I've found. I also tried very hard not to think forward to the consequences of what a denial or more delays might create for Princess T's grave condition. Being just in the Moment helps me to gather myself, keep my composure and prepare for whatever battles need to be fought on her behalf. Getting my head back in a Good Place and in the Game is crucial, otherwise judgment is clouded by emotion and I cannot allow my Heart to override my head right now.
It just hurts to see her suffering daily with the pain and the obstructive breathing caused by the 'Abnormality' as the Docs so casually call it. They can be casual because they don't have to Witness or Deal with it daily. I can't personally do anything about the Medical aspect of it since I'm not a Doctor or Surgeon, but I can fight for her right to receive timely and necessary Medical Treatment for a condition that can possibly be corrected by this Surgery. A Surgery which we already waited so long to get Approved and is now on an undetermined delay at this time because of Technicalities. I know my alarm is due to not knowing if it's benign and that Time could be of the essence... they cannot biopsy it until it is removed and pathology is done. I knew I just had to lay this at the Lord's Feet in Prayer and turn it over to Him as I move forward with whatever Process it will take to Appease those that have the power to actually do something.
Submission and Surrender have never been my strong points... but submitting and surrendering with Trust to the Lord is something I am able to do because I fully Believe that He has my, and my Loved Ones, best interest at Heart. I don't always Trust that with people, because you never know for sure. If the outcome for other people isn't Personal, then their Investment is quite different and it's not actually a Life Changer for them. If something really bad happens it probably won't affect their daily Life quite like it will those who are fully Invested in the situation being dealt with and it's Personal for. This is Personal for us and so it weighs heavier when it's you and remains on your Heart and mind, almost constantly, because its not something you can just forget about and avoid or not be Invested in fully.
But the Care and Advice of others means a lot when it can Help and is from the Heart... and the Land Of Blog has been a way of Connecting with far more who offer that than one could probably ever meet face to face on a daily basis as they're 'going through'. And I want you all to know how much that has meant to me as I struggle sometimes with the hand being dealt. You guys ROCK and often suggestions have validated what I've already been considering and Meditating upon, an affirmation that helps me to move forward with possibilities that create Hope and gird my strength. Usually because I've connected with and heard from others who actually have a point of reference and have 'gone through' similar Issues and come out the other side. I always have great Respect for anyone Surviving anything and then paying it forward with their Living Testimony to Inspire others!
Some of this stuff I'm going through for the very first time and so it's fresh and unfamiliar territory for me. It's hard to know where to begin and develope any Endurance, Wisdom and Stamina for something you haven't yet gone through or Experienced. I've found that you can get used to almost anything you HAVE to as the Journey progresses. Adapting and improvising, building your strength and recognizing your weaknesses... if you are determined to Survive it and don't give in, give up or give out. We've been a Extended Family of Survivors so we have a pretty good track record of hanging in there, often against all odds and grim prognosis or pessimistic predictions. It is True that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. It's not comfortable though, to be strengthened that way.
Last Night I felt led to call my Aunty June... she's an Epic Survivor... you have no Idea, but suffice to say that for over Eighty years she's remained Strong, Positive and gone through much that would have definitely killed off weaker and fainter folks. You wouldn't know it to talk to her or look at her... she's one of the most Beautiful, Optimistic, Cheerful and Giving people you'll ever Hope to encounter. She could have gone bitter, given her Life Story, or been a 'victim', but instead she chose to be better and be the victor. She never ceases to Encourage, Uplift and yet keep it totally Real... Aunty June won't blow Sunshine up your ass, but she'll always make you Feel and Believe you will prevail. I needed that talk... and I knew it was Time to tell her what we've been going through recently and why she hasn't heard from me for a while. She knew... she knew something was 'Up' and had stood by patiently until I was ready to bring her into the Loop and Reveal it, she's Wise that way too. Everyone should have an Aunty June... even though she's one of a kind and can't be replicated!
After our Talk I felt ready to Deal with the Family Court Thing... she gave me a Jumping Off Point since she has a Personal Point of Reference in this Situation too. She has so many Personal Points of Reference to Crazy and Tragic Life Situations that if she hasn't already been through it that would Surprise me more than the fact that she has actually. And always come out the other side not even smelling like Smoke after having been through Intense Fires! Her Life Story would make you Laugh and Cry... and never, ever feel sorry for yourself again... it would Inspire you just that much while touching your Heart deeply. Gotta have Mad Respect for anyone like that and feel truly Blessed to have them in your Life. And Aunty June has been a part of our Lives since I was a Child, so I'm amply Blessed by our Relationship. And when I come to think of it, I'm amply Blessed and Highly Favored period... I just have to sometimes be reminded of that Fact.
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian