Melancholy... the word itself sounds rather Poetic. The Feeling of it however isn't Gracefully Expressive at all!
I've been Feelin' Melancholy lately... and a bit like I'm attending a Masquerade, with the pretense and guise of Normalcy in my days... when in fact it's anything but that!
It's a very deceptive outward appearance to be going through the motions of Normal function when your Head and your Heart aren't there or in it at all. And I actually found myself drawn to Decorating in a manner of how I Felt on the Inside... putting some Lovely Masquerade Masks from my Collection around the House within various Vignettes.
I've been trying to shake the Melancholy... and for a brief while I succeed... if I'm able to have some Alone Time, some relaxation and no additional demands made upon me that would be the proverbial straw that broke the Camel's Back. But as soon as I'm back to dealing with everyone and all the stuff I find the Melancholy coming back as a constant companion... apparently it hasn't strayed far off after having been shaken off briefly... it just waited on the sidelines to return when nothing changes.
The problem I feel is that I can't get far enough away from what feeds Melancholy for long enough that it would just wither and die off. You know, like going on a Vacation or having someone else take over for a while so that I could recharge completely and not be so weary and pulled in so many different directions at once.
I recently read a Quote that I most certainly could Identify with by Sociologist Barbara De Angelis that said, "Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away."
And that is EXACTLY how I Feel... out of Balance because I've given so much of myself away without the sufficient and necessary moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance it all out again!
Too many withdrawals without any deposits leaves one Bankrupt on so many levels.
Like tethering a Butterfly to an Anvil and asking it to drag it around all day every day is not a reasonable expectation, neither is it a reasonable expectation for one person to be tasked to do too much without sufficient Help.
And it's not as if I've been Melancholy Silently, I haven't, in fact I've been having Fits about it all... I've asked for more Help and not given the illusion or delusion that I'm handling this all well and without sufficient Help. But have you ever waited a very long time for Help to arrive while trying not to Imagine that it won't come? Amagining what it would be like to be sitting on a Beach in Bora Bora with all this behind me would be easier!
I've even had the 'pack my bags and leave' Fantasy during particularly lengthy Melancholy episodes. Not that it would happen, but an Imagined Escape is like a temporal extreme Vacation of sorts on the canvas of the Imagination. I am however, a bit mature for running away from Home... I wouldn't get very far anyway as tired as I am lately! Maybe just outside the Gate... and they could all easily find me there so that won't work! *Smiles*
Yeah, I really do need a better Plan don't I? *Winks*
Hope you Enjoyed the pretty pictures even though the storyline was quite Morose today!? Morose... now that's another "M" word that sounds rather Poetic... but isn't! *LOL*
Dawn... The Bohemian