in·tro·spec·tion [ ìntrə spéksh'n ]
- self-examination: the detailed mental examination of your own feelings, thoughts, and motives.
As we conclude our Tour through MELROSE VINTAGE Together I've been quite Introspective lately about exactly why I'm even trying to shorten my Blog Posts? Because I wasn't even sure I knew why or if I really wanted to?
. In fact, every time I couldn't manage to be brief I felt somewhat disappointed and like I'd Failed because I was trying to... but it became quite apparent that brevity is just not ME at all.
And so I had to ask myself WHY? Why was I attempting to be brief in my own Space? Was it really for me, something I wanted and some kind of an attempt at positive self-improvement? Would it even be self-improvement... is brevity really that much of a Positive? Or was I simply trying to please and accommodate those who come for a Visit and might be overwhelmed by my Nature to have something to say and desire to Share lots of Images?
I found that on so many Blogs I really Enjoy, when someone had something to say they often had a tendency to Apologize for the Long Post and lack of brevity... as if somehow having something to say, a lot to Show or want to Share and Communicating is an Imposition to everyone else nowadays? Was NOT being Brief and Minimal really such a Negative? Or just a perceived one because everything seems to be rushing by so fast and the attention span seems to be shortening exponentially with everyone so used to instant gratification and so many choice?
In this Age of Twitter, Text Messaging, Facebook, Instagram, Blogging etc. where brevity is now the Norm... the Written Letter, newsy Telephone conversations and spending time Together having actual Conversations and uninhibited Communication and Socialization has apparently fallen by the wayside and is not preferred or seems barely tolerated and considered an Inconvenience... something that few have Time for. I'm not sure I like that... and I typically avoid it in fact... as more superficial, impersonal and rushed than I'm personally comfortable with.
Do we really need to see everything at a quick Glance and have to say it in ten Words or less?
I have to Wonder exactly when everyone suddenly became so busy or impatient that they don't have Time anymore? Because certainly there are far more Conveniences that they didn't have back in the day... when people actually took the Time to Listen to each other or have something to say without an Apologetic Disclaimer!
You know... before Mass Production, Fast Food, Drive-Thru everythings, Microwaves, Computers, Cordless means of Communication, Automated Appliances that speed up the Process of just about everything we do and all of the Technology that makes Waiting or being the least bit Inconvenienced practically a thing of the Past. Some might Embrace that and it's Okay... but I'd prefer not to in many cases.
Its rather strange that before everything was Instant and took far more Time... that people actually took the Time and seemed to HAVE the Time or MAKE the Time. Very curious indeed. Now everything is so hurried, so busy, so complex... or IS IT? Have we just made it so, of our own doing and Convenience?
When I began the Journey and Journal of deciding to Blog I really didn't have any firm Ideas of what I was going to do or say or Share, or how it might look or turn out... or how it might be Received by those who would stumble upon it. But I certainly wanted it to be Relevant in some kind of way, if even just to me, since I never really anticipated other people actually coming or caring. Who knew they'd be a Blog Hostess one day, with frequent Visitors, I certainly didn't. It was both a pleasant Surprise and yet somehow did put some unexpected pressures on the Process... self-imposed of coarse.
If I didn't have the Time or Inclination to do it right and the way I wanted for it to be, I just wasn't going to bother at all, because there would seem no Point if I was simply going to squeeze it into an already overburdened Schedule I'd Imposed on myself. But it also seemed to carry a Responsibility to it that I didn't anticipate and at times I wasn't even sure if I wanted to start over again with a new Blog and just delete this one in it's entirety? But that would be like Moving and not telling any of your Friends... and just disappearing without explanation or a proper Good-Bye, which didn't seem right on any level. I've heard other Bloggers having these Sentiments, so I suppose it's not so Rare? But it is a Weird Feeling to have... you have to assess where it's coming from?
This was to be my Respite Place... a Place I could Retreat to Daily, something FOR MYSELF that didn't seem like a Guilty Indulgence because it was Free... to Dream, be Inspired, Document Life to look back upon so that I could better Appreciate what Blessings we have. A place to Write about whatever I wanted when I had something to say... and by the way, I ALWAYS have something to say... just not always someone to say it to! *LOL*
Because I truly Love Writing as much as I Love Family, Friends, Photography, Art, Creating, the Thrill Of The Hunt for Found Treasures, and being a Keeper Of The Past. And I DO LOVE Blogging and all of the Wonderful Unexpected Benefits and New Friends and opportunities it has afforded me!
And since hardly anyone Writes Letters anymore or cares to... and brevity abounds... I found a Void in something I'd always Enjoyed in the Past... the Written Form of Communication... the Written Word and the Stories of Life... either mine or someone else's. I missed getting long newsy Letters and Phone Calls from Friends who have moved away and I miss so much. Or being able to get out more often to Visit in Person and Socializing as we once did. Connecting via FB is nice, but not quite the same. Blogging has filled that Void considerably and so I really do look forward to my Blog Time and what it has become for me.
You see... I'm the one that actually Enjoys reading your Long Posts and those that have Visual Overload and Excessive Sharing. I tend to feel as though I know you and what you're about much better here in the Land of Blog when you've taken the Time to Create something in a Post that takes more than a Minute for me to totally absorb.
I feel as though you've taken me along on your Adventures or really Invited me into your Home, Office or Studio and become Relational when you Reveal so much more than a Single Image, a Teaser, a blurb that I was able to read in 5 seconds before moving on to the next.
Don't get me wrong, I've seen some absolutely AMAZING Blogs where the Author is a person of brevity and its obviously who they really are in Real Life too and so it seems perfectly Natural and Normal... like that Introverted Quiet Friend that you Cherish, but you know will be a better Listener than Talker or perhaps not so Social in Nature and very Private. That's Okay IF that's who they are.
But obviously that's NOT who I am... or who I'll ever be... and so it was NOT Normal or Natural for me to strive for brevity... in Real Life or in the Land Of Blog... it wouldn't be Keeping it Real at all... I wouldn't even recognize myself in fact... I'd be Wondering, "Who IS this person? She's not very good at this and somebody should tell her..." *Smiles*
Trying to say something that I considered Relevant enough to Blog about in Ten Words or Less would really be a Challenge... and I'd become quite frustrated and stall, it would be too much like WORK! It would suck all of the Joy and Spontanaety out of the Moment if I had to Think that long and hard about what I was Sharing... Editing every Word, every Image... or draw it out for days just to get it all out there in bite sized digestible chunks!
After all... I began to rationalize, nobody has to eat the whole Meal offered... if they have chosen to come for a Visit to my Blog Home they can look at or read as much as is comfortable for them and they have an appetite for... and skip whatever they want... its not as if they have to Politely Endure anything or spend more Time than they want to or need to.
I'm not very good at being a People Pleaser anyway... or Compromising something Special to me, especially if I'm doing something for ME. *LOL* I've been a 'Giver' by Nature and it makes me Happy to Give, but my "Me Time" is Rare and therefore I Guard it closely and Selfishly in fact. But I did begin to realize, after some Introspection... that my own feelings, thoughts and motives were no longer crystal clear to me about the direction my Blog was heading?
Such as Why did I Feel as though I had to Conform and become adept at brevity all of a sudden, when I've never been brief before and knew it wasn't at all my Nature? Yet here I was trying to shorten my Posts... trying to narrow and water down the content of a Story so it wouldn't go long... trying to Edit the Images to just a few... an agonizing Process for me that obviously wasn't working out so well.
Sure, I'd like to become a better Editor since that would be Beneficial to my Goal of Editing, Purging and Culling the amount of Stuff I have at Home to Simplify Life and have more Balance... but here in the Land Of Blog, was it really so necessary? Perhaps I thought that if I failed to Minimalize Everything that somehow I'd backslide or not make Progress, I dunno?
It's not as if I was afraid of running out of Storage Space, it's cheap and I am not even using a fraction of what I have and I can always buy more if this Investment feels worthy enough to continue and I'm still having Fun. Having Fun is very important to the continuity of it...
So... WHY was it? And I had an Epiphany... yes, me who usually couldn't care less about what other people think of me, my Style, my Lifestyle or my Personality, because I never feel as though it affects or impacts them in any significant way... found that I had fallen into the unfortunate Blog Habit of realizing this Blog isn't all about me anymore and trying to adjust it accordingly! *Gasp* Because people were showing up and apparently getting something out of the Visit. So I felt as though I had to Consider them more than I initially did or was!!! I felt as though it would not be Polite to ignore Visitors even though this is only a 'Virtual' place... I felt as though I had to acknowledge everyone in some way in my content... even the lurkers who remain anonymous and may always choose not to reveal who they are or that they came for a Secret Visit.
You always Consider and are Considerate of your Guests and those who take the Time to Visit, even the Shy ones... and especially those that give you input and become Friends... it would be Rude not to be a Gracious Host after all. And so there I was with this odd dilemma... of having a Virtual Guest, some of which I don't really know very well or am meeting for the first time... and it prompted me to Wonder if I was Talking too much... Sharing too much... Boring anyone present?! You know... like in Real Life!!!???!? *Smiles*
Only in Real Life you have those Visual Clues and Cues... so you can back off or tone it down if you realize it's too much... that maybe you're too much and coming on too strong *Winks* for the Company present??! But here you have to Wing it because you don't see the Visual Clues and Cues, only the occassional Comment... and I was vainly trying to accommodate ALL of my Blog Guests I suppose, to be Polite and all that. I do Enjoy that some of you come to Visit more than once and that Real Relationships have formed thru a Virtual World... so I do Care.
And though being Polite and Thoughtful is something that is very Important to me... doing anything in 'Obligatory Mode' is NOT something I Tolerate or do well or at all usually. And I realized it was absolutely Silly... this is my Blog House and my Blog IS ME! So though any and all are Welcome to come for a Visit anytime and stay as long or as briefly as they want, I don't have to change myself and try to morph into Super Blogger. *LOL* It's not really Important to anyone but me how my Blog turns out, because it's MINE and whether liked or disliked it's totally Subjective.
It's my Personal Platform and that's very Liberating since in Real Life we often have more Restrictions and 'Rules'. And so it is foolish not to utilize it exactly the way I choose and want even when I'm Hosting a Visitor or numerous Visitors to it. Nobody is putting external pressure on me to change it. Any changes I've made or am Planning to make are all my own doing and shouldn't be for no apparent valid reason as I Contemplated it. And some days I may Succeed at being Brief... but it shall only be because on that day, I want to and am not merely trying to for vague reasons I don't even understand or aren't Clear. I'm still a Huge Fan of the Old School Forms and ways of Communicating and Socializing, it's just more True to Self. And maybe that's what you like most after all?
Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian