For a couple of weeks now we've been in that awkward position of celebrating Life while confronting Death. Going on with our Daily routines and rituals as if everything were okay, when in fact it is not, and there are weighty issues and burdens to carry specific to the situation at hand... as well as the everyday things and going on with Life as we know it.
We've all been visiting Nanna (My Mom) in the Nursing Home daily and things have not been well... and in my Spirit I knew... though we hadn't said anything directly to each other... that it might be close to her time... in fact, it was past her time since the Paramedics and Medical Miraculous Technology and intervention had brought her back and kept her going for a while longer.
I hadn't had much Private time with Mom since the Medical Crisis that put her on Life Support and in ICU for a week... and now to a Skilled Care Facility for alleged rehabilitation... in Hopes that my Brother could take her Home to live with him in California if she got well enough. That was the Goal... but she and I felt in our Spirits that she was probably dying and things were shutting down.
I had realized that my Brother was not ready to let go... and that in fact Mom was holding on until he could be ready to release her to go Home to the Lord. She is worried about him since he is not well either and wants her to remain and not leave him, they are so very, very close and both have stared Death in the face for quite some time now and defied grim prognosis for years. She really doesn't want to hold on, she's tired, suffering, worn out and quite ready to relinquish her Spirit and felt that her time was supposed to have been that Morning of July 6th... and now she was past her time and in overtime. Overtime can take a lot out of players... whether it is a sporting event or the game of Life because you can be quite spent.
We hadn't talked about it until today, she and I... I had been reluctant to... even though I had felt it strongly... and she hadn't mentioned it either, unsure whether it should remain unsaid or if I knew, or could handle the conversation? Though we both had a knowing of the same thoughts and it was a relief to just finally say it. One of her Dearest Lifelong Friends had also had the same knowing and thoughts and had visited her earlier in the day and they had "the talk" too. How do you know you might ask? I couldn't really tell you 'how' or 'why'... all I can say is that on both sides of our Family many of us have been able to sense it in our Spirits and you have to learn to be okay with it.
It wasn't as difficult to discuss as you might imagine... I'd had this talk before you see... with others ready to pass from time into eternity and having a knowing that it was their time. In spoken words with my Dad many years ago when after a long valiant fight with illness he had told me it was a good day to die as I'd sat vigil beside his Hospital Bed... and had lapsed into an unconscious state shortly after that... and simply waited to depart until everyone else had arrived at the Hospice and said their Good-Byes and Blessings. And more recently in unspoken words with my old Cat, Rat Boy, who waited an entire extra week to depart because I had not been ready to release her and had cried and pleaded for her not to go... then realized how selfish and unrealistic that request had been... and finally as she gazed into my eyes the Night before her passing with unspoken words that echoed loudly in my Spirit... I had reluctantly told her it was okay... and by the next Morning she had quietly departed... when I was ready to release her to where she needed to go and she sensed I was going to be okay with it, though certainly you still go through the grieving process.
It is very difficult to release those we Love to cross through the Veil... and quite often they need to hear us say its okay and that we'll be okay before they have a Peace about leaving and accepting the Invitation extended by the Lord to pass from Time into Eternity.
We celebrate Life every day... and yet some day we all must pass from Time into Eternity. When I returned Home from the Nursing Home after that deep Talk with Mom that we both needed to reveal to each other about the knowing... I had more Peace... and I Hope my Brother will be able to also.
And the G-Kids had wanted to have a Mad Tea Party when I returned... and we did...
with luscious confections and Teas with Beautiful Names... and Princess T resplendant in her Tiara... and Prince R reluctantly and tolerantly posing for his photos as always...
Celebrating Life... while confronting Death...
Dawn... The Bohemian