Tired? Overwhelmed? Discouraged? Falling behind? Disorganized? Lazy? Messy? YES... ME TOO!!! Now I realize what The Good Book meant when it warned that to whom much is given, much is required! (Paraphrasing Luke 12:48)
Sure, portions of my Home are in order, limited portions... but if I were to swing the camera a wee bit to the right or left... *shudder* And of coarse I'm not gonna do THAT... Holy Mother of God... Heaven forbid... it's depressing enough to see it in person, privately, without public humiliation and having it immortalized in the Land Of Blog forevermore!!! *Gasp* Okay, I'll come clean even though I can't GET the House clean and show you a few glimpses of what bugs me almost every day... not the really embarrassing stuff, that's my Secret Shame *winks*, but some of the stuff that no matter how often I tend to it, its a losing battle:
DUST!!! We live in a Desert... in an old draughty House... I try not to move things around too much so that its so painfully evident how bad it gets in the more obscure places I don't dust as frequently... though I must say the delicate snowflake-like dust patterns underneath a lifted Lace Doily can be quite lovely... *LOL*
CLUTTER!!! Yes, I need a Professional Team of Organizers and a Therapist to help me with this one my Friends! I obviously have too much and I hoard... and it's a vicious cycle even when I purge... because I can't seem to stop... it's my addiction... and in the way of most addictions it can become the Beast that is difficult to tame and get up under control. *Le Sigh* Biggest problem with this particular issue, I Love all my Lovelies and get very attached to them... so it's really quite the LOVE-HATE relationship going on... so when I gird myself to edit, its almost torturous I tell you because I feel like I could never get to the level of Minimalism that I really need to have less work and be able to maintain everything in a reasonable amount of time each day like I could and should... if only...
Confession... there are many of my ultra fav Blogs that inspire me no end and I could envision my Home looking like that... and yet they also convict me that I'm a slob, which isn't necessarily all bad, because it does motivate me to try to do better... for a time. But I wouldn't want anyone to feel as though they were the catalyst that sent me over the edge... I'm doing that quite well all on my own even if I wasn't gazing at Homes that are organized, clean, tidy and the epitome of what I strive to create. And when I get a tiny portion looking immaculate and amazing... I stand back and bask in the sense of accomplishment and want to do even more... for a time. But then the wrecking crew comes in like a swarm of locusts and devours my hard won victory against "the mess" and it pretty much looks like it did before I even started! *Le Sigh* Working so hard, with fervor, sweating, laboring in vain it seems. *sobbing* Yeah, yeah... it's a "Home" not a "House" or a spread from a magazine, I know all the motivational cliches to help me feel adequate as the keeper of the Home and soothe my bruised ego... '...this Home is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy'... and all that... but it doesn't usually make me feel better or defeat the monster of my own making. Yep, I take ownership of a great part of it... after all... if I were a minimalist, there would be far less to take care of regardless of how many peeps I'm sharing mi casa with! So, we're back to Luke 12:48... I have much... it requires MUCH!!!
My Zen Moments will definitely be hindered until such time as I can break free...
And yes, the majority of the photos of this Post will have absolutely nothing to do with the topic... hardly any of my Posts have anything to do with THIS topic... the dreaded one... the one where I feel like an absolute failure at maintaining my Home and Gardens. That would look like a photo spread profiling Dante's Inferno!!! As we speak... in this room... I'm gazing at images that if I dwelled on it, could have me committed... and not in a good way! *winks*
Perhaps part of my struggle is that at this Season of Life I expected a break... I thought that perhaps one day, when we were old, it would just be The Man and I so I'd have far less to do and it would actually STAY nice because it would just be two old peeps puttering around and far less collateral damage to what I'd worked hard on all day. I imagined there would be less peeps in the Home to clean up after and distractions that would be FUN!?! *LOL, yes I let my imagination run wild like that... silly Woman that I am!* You know... The Man telling me to drop everything I'm doing so he can take me out somewhere we enjoy, perhaps somewhere Romantic... the BFF's calling me to go Junquing or out for a Luncheon together, footloose and fancy free, with the Freedom to choose Fun over Pet Projects & Must Do's... THOSE kinds of distractions that might keep you from the mundane tasks of cleaning, organizing and foofing the ole' Homestead but you wouldn't necessarily mind or be irritated and jump right on the Menopausal Crazy Train! But NOOOOOOOOOOO... my well thought out Plans to organize and do a deep cleaning are thwarted instead by THESE types of constant distractions... picture me in one room working fervishly only to hear chaos reigning in the next room or a high pitched ear piercing wail of "GRAMMA... so-and-so just spilled... knocked over... got into... threw... dumped... poked/choked/hit/said/took... ____________ !!!"(You fill in the blank, the list is virtually endless.) Or at about Midnight, when the wee ones have been tucked in and faded after the great "Battle Of The Bedtime" I FINALLY got things tidied up to a semi-respectable level... only to wake early the next morn to find that The Son, after coming Home from his hectic schedule of working two back to back jobs... had prepared a 2:00 AM Dinner, lounged around so his presence was evident... and did the hasty 'clean-up job' that seems quite adequate to a 25 year old Bachelor! *Me sighing heavily and resisting the temptation to do a Son-Versus-Mom smack down rant and lecture of the virtues of good housekeeping, which I'm not even following myself so it just seems quite hypocritical actually... as I do a freak out on his sink full of carefully stacked dirty dishes and yet try to ignore what I have not done... SMILES* Lord knows what my Cottage Studio he lives in actually looks like, I try to restrain myself from going THERE lest I want to slash wrists... his AND mine!? *Winks* Or I know I must forego housework to work on orders that have been on the waiting list far too long and must be a priority for the day... or head to the Laundromat to do mountains of laundry... or do the grocery shopping and run errands while the wee ones are in School and I don't have to haul them around... and so... everything else that I intend to do and need to do waits... and waits... and waits...
You see its not that I don't spend many hours maintaining my Home and Gardens my Friends... every day there is time devoted to caring for what I've been abundantly Blessed with... its just that I can't seem to keep up... or get to the bigger projects that really need the attention... like Spring Cleaning, the Big Edit and De-Cluttering, repairs and restorations... And I do have those Lazy Moments, when I figure, if things aren't going to remain in order for more than a milisecond, why bother... and I'll just go for a leisurely walk instead... or go take photos for Blog Fodder... or sit here in the Land Of Blog for a while and imagine what it would be like, could be like... if I could pull it all together one day???
Coming to you from The Big Mess that is my Home today... Dawn... The Bohemian
*The Beautiful Images at the top of the Post were photographed at NOT TOO SHABBY in Phoenix, Arizona... the Zen Moment Photo was taken at my Acupuncture Session at EVERGREEN CENTER OF ORIENTAL MEDICINE in Glendale, Arizona... it is in looking at and focusing upon the Beauty in Life that I stay up by Faith and know that it will hold!*