I'm interrupting my progression of the Thieves Market Adventure for a moment... because sometimes Life throws us a curve and we've got to still manage to stay in the game... and it is times like these that I often welcome distractions... such as my Blog and whatever I can focus on that has a positive vibe and gets my mind off more serious things and preserves ME. It is a survival tactic of sorts that I have found keeps me better centered and functional, especially during the crisis of Life, of which there have been many, often running simultaneously, concurrently or consecutively ... so it preserves sanity and even strength... because folding up like a deck of cards is simply not an option... no matter how hairy the game gets.
I have always enjoyed Religious Art and some of my favorite are done in the Folk Art Style because they are often made by untrained Artists that just have Faith and determination to make something beautiful out of whatever they have... not perhaps the polished kind... the showstopping Gallery kind... and yet, still a most beautiful kind that though it may be rough, crudely fashioned, brightly embellished on purpose and flashy just for the sheer Joy of it, the Heart of it still shines through brightly. It is with that kind of Faith and determination that I often find myself cruising through Life... the rollercoaster that it can so often be... where there are the mountaintop moments... and the valleys. Where we must retain enough momentum while in the low spots to climb back up for the next mountaintop moment... or remain stuck... in a place that isn't wise to 'camp' in for too long. I've spent a good part of the day in Blogland... as a welcome distraction... and pondering whether to just be voyeuristic and soothe my own Soul and Spirit... and continue with my Post Series as if nothing much was different or bothering me than the day before... or be real?!? I like to think I'm the sort of person to be 'real' most of the time... when in fact I'm very often a perpetually guarded Optimist who masks when things are not good... as if they still were... and remain very private about the personal stuff that I keep to myself and rarely reveal. So, most people would never know that there could be pain and struggles while I still go merrily through Life, smiling often and enjoying the moments in spite of whatever I'm wrestling with on the inside and is swirling around me in the form of circumstances. Today apparently is going to be one of those rare days... when I just admit some of it... openly. That while I'm certainly enjoying Life and all it has to offer, and I'm Blessed... I am also dealing with some very heavy burdens that have begun to bend me under the strain and I'm trying not to allow it all to overwhelm me. Hence, the welcome distractions... focusing on the beauty... and not the pain or the things I cannot fix or create some solution for and somehow make it right... or even the illusion of such... for myself or anyone else.
My old Soldier, The Man, is hospitalized AGAIN... and it's different than being apart when he is doing something special or something he has to do in support of the Family. Very different. We are each other's support system here on the homefront... we've been through a LOT together in our many years of Marriage and propped each other up when one has become weak or weary with the battles of Life. The trials of personal illness, disability and limitations or those of Loved Ones... raising a Family and especially the Children and Grandchildren with 'special needs', which in and of itself can break a Parent's Heart and Spirit over time... the aging of Parents to those years when passing from time into eternity has either happened or is probably very close. Our trials have been fairly constant and so one would think you just become used to it after an extended period of time... because there is some truth that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. It does change you, I no longer wait until things are 'well' with us all before I just enjoy Life anyway... because I found that the wait for that moment in time would waste a lot of precious time. But it is somewhat of an oxymoron to be happy and sad, Joyful and yet distraught... all at once... and usually day after day... it feels rather strange and surreal actually. And so yes, today was a good day... AND a bad day... mixed together... which they often are when things are not exactly right and well with the various aspects and complexities of your Life and those you hold dearest to your Heart. I've come to accept it and endure it with as much Grace as possible, while also intentionally looking for the Joy, the things to constantly be able to Smile about, genuinely enjoy and be thankful for... those welcome distractions... and do my best and turn the rest over to the Lord... where I am confident it is in the Best of Hands... Dawn... The Bohemian
Andie of DIVINE THEATRE shared this beautiful Poem and since it was so fitting and I don't want to forget it... I'm copying it to this Post so that I can look at it as often as I need to:
THE DARKLING THRUSH
I leant upon a coppice gate
When Frost was spectre-gray,
And Winter's dregs made desolate
The weakening eye of day.
The tangled bine-stems scored the sky
Like strings of broken lyres,
And all mankind that haunted nigh
Had sought their household fires.
The land's sharp features seemed to be
The Century's corpse outleant,
His crypt the cloudy canopy,
The wind his death-lament.
The ancient pulse of germ and birth
Was shrunken hard and dry,
And every spirit upon earth
Seemed fevourless as I.
At once a voice arose among
The bleak twigs overhead
In a full-hearted evensong
Of joy illimited;
An aged thrush, frail, gaunt, and small,
In blast-beruffled plume,
Had chosen thus to fling his soul
Upon the growing gloom.
So little cause for carolings
Of such ecstatic sound
Was written on terrestrial things
Afar or nigh around,
That I could think there trembled through
His happy good-night air
Some blessed Hope, whereof he knew
And I was unaware. ~Thomas Hardy, December 31, 1900
Andie and I are Singing and throwing our Souls upon the Gloom to illuminate it with Light and hopefully delight others... won't you join us?